If you spend enough time with a person eventually you will learn a lot about them. Even if the relationship is completely platonic, you will learn some of their likes, dislikes and habits. At some point you may be privy to some parts of their personal relationships. We create unspoken boundaries with our co-workers and acquaintances, even with those we consider friends but it doesn’t always protect us from getting too close.
As Ray and I continued to meet there were days when he needed talk worse than me. At some point it became less about him counseling me and more about us counseling one other. One would think it would be awkward to talk to my Pastor, a man I admired and looked up to and a man who was married to my best friend. A man who is to be “above reproach” as quoted in 1 Timothy 3:2. In a “proper” world that would have been true. But for some reason I found myself drawn to his pain.
Ray painted a much different picture of the relationship he had with the woman he knew as his wife compared to the woman that I knew as my friend. Any skepticism I might have had about some of the things that he shared would eventually diminsh after she took responsibility for her part in the demise of their marriage.
As my emotions for Ray grew deeper I started trying to distance myself from my friend. It was a hard thing to do. I knew I would have to sacrifice my friendship with her to grow closer to this man that I had started to love.
When Ray started to counsel me I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I was emotionally numb and didn’t think I would ever feel again. He found a seed of hope inside of me and nurtured it until it grew into a beautiful bloom inside of my heart.
Many people feel he took advantage of me. He was my pastor. He was in a position that expected more of him than the average Joe. They said he was supposed to know better. While their point was valid and biblical we were both consentual adults. We knew what we were getting ourselves into. Frankly I was offended that these people thought I was blind and naive enough to “let” my pastor seduce me.
I trusted Ray wholeheartedly and while I knew what we were doing was wrong I let my emotions lead the way. I had never known another being who knew me the way that he did. He just “got” me. He understood me like no one else ever had. I knew there was more to know about him and I wanted to know it all.
